Milk, Milk, Lemonade…

poop-map-croppedLookin’ to “pop a squat”, “drop a deuce”, “pinch a loaf”?

Miami is once again at the vanguard of social consciousness (and intestinal comfort). The Miami Downtown Development Authority has created this map (appropriately titled “Poop Map“) depicting locations where feces and urine were found on public streets within an eight-hour period.

The city of Miami has tried to label this a problem associated with the homeless but, if you examine the map (see full map here) closely, you will notice that the concentration of caca is highest around the city, county, state, and federal office building complexes. This scatological graphic clearly illustrates what most people already know (at least those with an IQ greater than their shoe size): Your government officials and employees are full of “it” (add optional “sh” prefix). This turd treatise also points to a far more serious problem: Global warming.

For years,  we’ve been hearing about the methane problem associated with cow flatulence but now methane generated by the public sector may prove to be what will eventually tip humanity over the cliff and headlong into the caca-calypse.

The solution is sphincter plugs for all government officials. When the plug bearer internally reaches a pre-determined TSI (turds per square inch), he/she is then encased in amber, loaded on a freighter and shipped to the Bermuda Triangle where, it is hoped, it will disappear into another dimension. Care, of course, must be taken to avoid this. There are probably a few other minor details to work out but, I’ll leave those details to those with greater intestinal fortitude.

On a side note: Have you noticed the difference between the Android and Apple version of the turd emoji? The Android version looks like what you would expect: a steaming pile. But the Apple version looks like the logo for an ice cream vendor; it looks delicious!

Perhaps that just goes to show that Apple user’s stuff don’t stink!

See you next week!

  3 comments for “Milk, Milk, Lemonade…

  1. Lourdes
    08/12/2015 at 2:27 pm

    You not accurately spotted the real problem but offered a very practical solution for resolving it. Have you thought about joining the very large group of people now running for president?

    • 2a
      08/12/2015 at 3:31 pm

      I have an exploratory committee analyzing the possibility of a 2016 run. My campaign slogan would be “2T 4 Prez – You Could Do Worse!”. Whatta you think?

  2. Chris
    08/10/2015 at 9:55 am

    Scatalogical map! Ha!

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